I'm not scared to die... today

There was a day when I was conflicted. I wanted to die. It was my exit plan. But I was afraid of the black abyss awaiting me on the other side. I could not complete the act that would bring release. Life was misery. I wanted relief. I believed my only option was death. I was wrong, of course.

I took life seriously. I believed I must achieve certain goals. I believed I must please certain people. My view of this life was so narrow, I could not see the abundant opportunities given me. I was playing this game by the wrong rules. Believing rules existed was a mistake too. Society has rules, sure. We must play within them in order to coexist with the other humans. But the rules in my head were so very rigid, so very unrealistic, I could not play the game.

When I changed my thinking, I changed my life. When I began to look at life as a game, I stopped taking it so seriously and began to enjoy the experience. This process took a long LONG time. But as I rewired my brain, I began to understand. When I understood death was inevitable, I began to live. When I understood other's opinions were not my concern, I began to prioritize MY opinions. When I understood I was trying to control too much, I let things go. When I understood life is a game, I began to play.

Today, I look at life as an unwinnable game. Why unwinnable? Death is inevitable. Data shows a 100 percent chance we will all take a final breath. With this knowledge, I understand goals, achievements, and titles mean nothing. Well, they only have the meaning I attach to them. This is power. I control my perception of reality. I choose where I give my shits. I choose whether or not I give ANY shits. I can look at life through a different lens. I've stopped looking at death as a way out, and started looking at it as an inevitable reminder that the clock is ticking on the game. When I changed my perception, I changed how I live. Work is now play. Housework is now play. Exercise is now play. Conversations are now play. Human interactions are now play. One day the game will end. When the grim reaper taps my shoulder... He will find me... at play.