Seeking Guidance

It may surprise you, but I spent a couple years in the fire service myself. Both excited and afraid on any call I ran. I say I, but Dad was there. Dad was always there. When I was small enough for plastic princess shoes, he was there. When I thought I was a big girl in my turnout gear and ill-fitting boots, he was there. For those of you who know him, you may find it funny to imagine how his face flickered between pride and worry as I figured out where to put my feet during overhaul. I was supported not only by my father, but by my bonus brothers in the service. I had a tribe, and I had guidance. Sometimes physically, as with the hand of my senior on my coat collar to direct me through the burn building (Can't see s*** in there). Mostly, I had purpose. I had structure within the organization. I understood what my job was, and knew who to look to when I felt uncertain. Fast forward to university where I'm away from home, responsible for myself, and supposedly an adult. I sought guidance more than anything. I had a hard time finding it, and after a year of struggling, I came back home with no degree. That year would be the first that I realized my mental health was in the dumps, and I needed help. I'm now 27, and a mother of two. Admittedly, I still look around sometimes wondering where the "grown ups" are. What I've learned this past decade is that there are none. We are all fighting our own battles. We are all seeking guidance, or feedback, wherever we can find it. What I can tell you with certainty now is that when your job is not clear, when you have no one to look to, when you have no structure, you have got to learn how to count on yourself. It's not comfortable, at least it wasn't for me. I still actively pursue a better mental state, please do not take this post to mean that I've figured it all out. In fact, the meaning here is that no one has. Confidence grows when you come through for yourself. When you keep your promises to yourself. When you sit comfortably in the knowledge, that any outcome is one you can survive. External motivators only go so far. So make that appointment, have that conversation with your friend, give yourself grace on a failure, or whatever the next step may be as you trudge towards "ok".